With so much going through my head, I say less. I try to stay away from people even though I’m right in front of everyone. I hide in plain sight. People can’t know my feelings. Can’t know my thoughts. Can’t see my pain. I’m strong enough to hide it and keep it hidden until I deal with it. Until it’s passed.
It’s always been that way, that’s why the closest people to me have never known anything I’ve experienced. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I had so much happen last year. Really good and really bad. Why is this year starting the fuckin same.
I really try to stay more on the positive side of things these days. I’m working out, I’m creating music and art, I’m trying to stay focused. I swear to God, when you are in a roll doing really good some real shits going to fall in your lap.
I lost another aunt yesterday. I lost an aunt and my grandfather last year. Had some domestic abuse issues with family members. I did my first mural last year though
Today I find out that I may have to go to court because of people not wanting to listen to my like I don’t know what the fuck I’m talkin about. Now I have to be part of the bullshit I tried to stay away from.
I love my mom, but she runs from shit and it ends up in my hands and pisses me off. I really pissed at this moment! FUCK!!!!!! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
A lot of people have told me to pay attention to media and news to know what’s going on around me. Well, I’m not sure I can agree with that. If it’s not helping me, and I can’t do shit about it, I’m going to “mind or take care of” my own business. This is my growing period and I have to focus on what’s going to empower me. You don’t have to go with everything everyone else says. “Know thyself” -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I have a lot of things to say about telling someone they’re going to hell. Mind your business so you can do something with your life.
When I cussed for the first time I was like, “God forgive me. I don’t want to go to hell” (I think I was like 8)
I just think differently about the heaven hell situation. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Don’t know and don’t care! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Dear Life,I thought you’d be more kind, more loving, more giving. I’ve given my health, my money, my energy, my smiles, my comfort, my time, my creativity. I’ve tried to give you the best part of me, but that got me here, at a crossroad.
I think I’ve been here before. Maybe I’ve been here for years and never left. Maybe when I got here I set up camp and chose to stay. Afraid of choosing the left or right. The red or blue. Both so extreme. Both so different. Both me. One safe and predictable. The other risky and unforeseeable, but intriguing.
I’ve already chosen. I chose my destiny a long time ago. Even when my parents drilled their ideals, I’ve always had my own.
So Life, now that you’ve awakened the dragon inside and I realized the shit I’m go through is just part of the ride, let’s do this shit. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
The funeral starts at eleven. He’s the eulogist. I hope he doesn’t start crying because it probably won’t be real. I feel like he should’ve left this alone. Let someone else do it. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m probably right.
My dad was close to my aunt I guess, but there were others that were closer. They are family and they weren’t even acknowledged. That makes me mad. He always has to make a scene. He’s selfish and manipulative even now.
It’s crazy how death can bring people together and push people further apart. I was able to see my grandparents who I cherish, but I realize that my father and I may never have what I always dreamed of. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
He called Got damnit. I don’t have the time, energy or patience to deal with his fuckery. I’ve tried to many times with him and I can’t right now. I don’t want to. He stresses me the fuck out. He’s not a father he’s a leach that sucks you dry from life until you can’t even function.
I haven’t listened to the voicemail yet. I don’t even know how the fuck he got my damn number. My siblings said they didn’t give it to him. Who the hell did???? Nobody has my number!
This is some bullshit. I better write and create some art before I let this consume me today. Look ignorant ass people… don’t give out people’s numbers without their consent got damnit! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Yep you’ve heard that silence is golden. No it’s not. Too many times I’ve seen people keep their mouth shut and what happened. Not a Damn Thing. So why the hell do we talk about silence is golden.
I could keep my mouth shut about my life and deal with it internally and regret not expressing my feelings earlier. Some of us handle things differently than others. Accept it.
It’s been 2 years since I started this blog and have yet to finish the book because of the potential consequences. But everything has consequences. You just need to figure out which consequences you want to deal with. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Sometimes it’s hard as shit to write, but I know it’s what I have to do. Not only for myself, but for other people who are stuck in a life they despise. It’s hard to face the truth about yourself and share it with the world, or in my case, the couple people who follow my ass.
Over all, In the past 8 years, I let myself go. I completely lost who I was and became who I felt others would be comfortable with. I’d rather be that neutral, “she’s nice” girl than the one that’s most loved/most hated.
But even being the “nice and neutral” girl, people still don’t like my ass and I’m miserable. There’s other people out there too hiding so they can fit in too.
When I was a kid, I didn’t fit in and didn’t give a damn. Something happened in my life that changed everything. Made me become a hermit and boring. What was it? -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter