All of a sudden I start feeling weird and I don’t know why. I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of my friends parents who are no longer living, or who are very sick.
I have both of my parents, but I only talk to one. My father ruins my life when he’s in it. So I can’t let him in.
I started reliving one instance. My mom was pregnant with my little brother and my I remember him fighting her.
Why am I seeing this again
I was nine. My other brother was 5.
I didn’t know what to do…. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
When I tell people how I feel, I get “stop feeling sorry for yourself”
If I’m saying that something is bothering me and I’m sad about it, I’m not fucking feeling sorry for myself. No matter how strong I am and how much strength people see, I’m still a woman. I’m still a human. I have fucking feelings. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I went to an event last night. Spoke to some people about my art and skin care. Had a couple embarrassing moments and always try to remember it’s all part of the process.
At the end of the night I started having a conversation with a stranger. It was a friend of another artist. We went from talking about music, to the “church life”. The life of staying in this Christian box with other Christian people so you can recruit people who are not Christian to live in this box 🔲 with you… 🙄
That sounds ridiculous. It’s not everyone, but it’s a lot of them (Christian folk). –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I’ve always tried to keep my business to myself. When I struggle, no one knows. That’s kinda how I was raised. It’s been natural to me. What’s also been natural is getting sick because I kept, and still keep, so much in. Trying to protect people or whatever, but what about me.
I realized that no one cares about my feeling. I’m just suppose to cater to what everybody else has going on. Fuck my feelings right. Well I don’t appreciate that shit. There’s only so much a person can take before they either go off or leave your ass alone.
Soooooooo…. I’m writing again. I understand that some people won’t be able to associate with my ass no more, but I’m good by myself anyway. ✌🏽 –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Sometimes I feel invisible. So invisible that even when I reach out to people, they don’t reach back. They can’t see me.
Then I go deeper into hiding. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I need some support.
Looking over my life and seeing just how messed up some things were make me really mad. Then I have to remember that I have to move on. But I’m going to go back for a minute because I want to.
I GREW UP WITH NO ONE AROUND ME EXCEPT FOR MY MOM, SIBLINGS AND MY DAD SOMEWHAT.
Just to be clear, I had a couple friends here and there, but after my mom and dad split, everything was unstable. Before the Divorce that I never thought would happen, I went to school and came home to play with my siblings. That was it. Now at the age that I am, I don’t always know how to make friends, and when I do, I sort of back off because I’m afraid I’ll lose them like I’ve lost everyone else.
This shit is sad ain’t it? -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter