There’s a lot running through my had, so I had to pause on social media. I stopped with my IG’s for a little bit to reroute my attention. My attention was on making sure I stayed relevant and keeping up with the algorithm, which I don’t even know if I do that shit anyway.
I had to PAUSE. I’m relocating and I need to focus on myself and my own needs, so I came back to writing. I guess this is somewhat anonymous, so keeps me from thinking about opinions. YEP. Even after all these years, that’s still some shit I think about. The opinions of others who have nothing to do with my progress.
My moving forward has been mistaken for “running” and it was not. When you try to fix something repeatedly, and you’re miserable, how long do you have to stay in that? The changes I’ve made have all been for the good. But now I want to concentrate on ME and MY SUCCESS!
This is why I’ve had to PAUSE, but writing and letting out these feelings is important, so I started journaling on here again, and my podcast. In the words of Drake “WE GONE SEE” -#RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
If you’ve been reading my blog, a lot has happened over the years. I’ve had an interesting life as do many people. What separates me from most is that I’ve been through so much shit, that I’m determined to change my life. I’ve made adjustments gradually, but I’ve been more focused on people feelings than what I really needed. That’s the first problem.
When you focus on what everyone else needs versus your own, what do you think will happen? You think you’ll be happy? You think you’ll accomplish your goals? Well unless you trying to be someone’s crutch or burden for the rest of your life, you need to focus on yourself. One step at a time at first, but Figure the shit out! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Who’s the best at life ?
Who can show me how to live my life in the best way possible… With only love, unicorns, rainbows, hearts, flowers, trees, sweet juices fruits, the ocean, the breeze, sand between my toes, the sunrise and sunset, traveling to exotic lands and wearing a 2 piece bikini showing off my goddess body?
I’m just thinking -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
With tears rolling down my face I write this. I hate feeling like this. I felt like this for so long and suppressed it all. Now it resurfaces. When things are taking a turn.
Really I stay positive. Im happy that I’m free. But there’s still that part of me that wants love. Love without all the bullshit. Love of someone not just because they think I’m pretty, but someone in love with me.
I want to point blame, I want to just cry it out. But I’m trying to stay positive. This is my last day in Texas, been here for 3 weeks and I’m ready to go, but hesitant. Just not sure how life will play out and that can be hard.
The only thing I can do is claim true love and happiness and greatness and money. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Can I get a got damn do over for the beginning of 2019?
It rolled in with my mom feeling some type of way… my sister feeling some type of way, me in the middle, making me feel some type of way. Watching my mom limp around doesn’t fuckin help.
I’m always thinking about everyone else. When I finally think about myself, no one’s use to it, and I’m being selfish or bossy.
I’m not gonna deal with this shit this year. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I never thought this would be my life, but I’m embracing it. All of it. All the decisions I’ve made that have helped me grow. I shouldn’t regret anything because it’s created this beast of a woman. This Wonder Super woman that’s about to finally reveal her super powers. This flower that bloomed last but is most beautiful most lovely scented.
I am great. I know I am. And showing myself can help inspire others. I have a damn story to tell, And you probably need to hear it -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
With so much going through my head, I say less. I try to stay away from people even though I’m right in front of everyone. I hide in plain sight. People can’t know my feelings. Can’t know my thoughts. Can’t see my pain. I’m strong enough to hide it and keep it hidden until I deal with it. Until it’s passed.
It’s always been that way, that’s why the closest people to me have never known anything I’ve experienced. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
When you want something bad enough, you’ll start doing what other people would call “stupid shit”.
I guess I’ll take “stupid shit” over “died with nothing” any day. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Sometimes I need to write. Sometimes I need to talk. Sometimes I need to draw. Sometimes I need to paint. Sometimes I need to sew. Sometimes I need to sing. Sometimes I need to rap. Sometimes I need to burn. Sometimes I need chemistry. Sometimes I need math. But all the time I need to Fuckin Create shit! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
So much has happened. So much going on. So many fuckin thoughts so many damn dreams. So much more control. So much more creativity. See So much more clearly. So much more scary. So much more vocal. So much more visual. So much more available. So much less available. So much more valuable. So much more aware. So much weight loss. So much more caring, yet I care so much less. Damn so much. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter