He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN. This is not the first, second, or third time. 

Maybe this time it’ll work out. Maybe this is the woman he’s been waiting for all his life. Maybe he’s finally ready to settle down and be a husband. Not a father, but maybe a husband. 

Ooooorrrrr, since he just became pastor of a church 😐, maybe he needs her to be his slave like my mom was. 

But what’s going through her head? Why is she willing to say yes to this man who has no relationship with his children? I’m sure he’s lied to her too, but the type of person I am, I need background info. I guess she just doesn’t give a fuck, she about to be a “Preacher’s Wife” -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Thinkin about him… 

Thinkin about him… 

Yea I said it. I’ve been thinking about him lately. I wish our relationship would work out, but it takes two. I’ve been through too much shit with him to just let him in. Nah I don’t want to talk to him. Nah I don’t want to write him. I’ll just think about some good times and try not allow them to lead to bad ones… but they normally do. The good times never lasted. It always went from good to bad, sometimes before we left the damn driveway. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Who is this girl I love to hate

Who is this girl I love to hate

It’s easier to express myself to something that doesn’t talk back. I just want to say whatever I feel like saying. Today I need to talk about me. This girl who I use to be proud of. I ran out of patience for myself. Well damnit no more pity parties. Get your shit together. Wipe away those tears and get yo ass up and do whatever it is you need to do so you can love yourself again. You can do it! Believe in who you are and make this shit happen!  -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Wish it wasn’t you (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt #spoileralert)

Wish it wasn’t you (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt #spoileralert)

Sometimes I wish it wasn’t you that I talk about in my writings. I want to feel sorry for you sometimes and other times… I just don’t care. So I wrestle with myself about finishing this book. I’m not even sure you would read it. But I want you to understand me better. Why do I care? I guess this is my last hope of getting through to you, but then I think, I can’t change anyone… you have to want to change.

What’s the point of putting the book out if you’re not going to read it. Episode 13 of season 3 Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Kimmy realized she didn’t have to tell her story if she didn’t want to. Talking to the philosophy professor he basically tells her to do what makes her happy.  She didn’t need to feel like she needed to save the world. She just needed to do what was best for her… -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

She’s there… the improved old me

She’s there… the improved old me

When I look, I can see her. She’s there. I can see through myself to the person who I use to know. The person I was proud of. The person other people wanted to know. If I look hard enough I can see her. But if I don’t look hard, I see who she’s become. The complacent, overweight, scared and scarred girl who’s having problems becoming a woman is what’s outside. It’s troubling. Hopefully temporary. I can’t stay like this forever. I crave success. I can see it, feel it, taste it, hear it, smell it. What the fuck am I missing to get it. I need to get who I was back, but better. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Go in the trash damnit!

Go in the trash damnit!

Like I’m tossing some shit in the trash can and miss, pick it up, miss, pick it up again, miss. SHIT!!! I feel like I’m aiming right but I’m going around, over, or coming short of the goal.  

All I want to do is fucking throw it away.

Throw away all the fuckery that keeps me down, holds me back, makes me sick, breaks me out, makes me depressed, has me overwhelmed and stressed the fuck out. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter