Worst enemy

Worst enemy

He became my enemy with his words and actions. I don’t want it to be this way, but that’s what he wants.

Why my worst enemy though? Because he’s my father. I wanted him to want to be around me as much as I wanted to be around him. I wanted him to take up for me, have my back… not say I’m a bitch like my mother… This is why we can’t talk. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Advertisements
Damn near depressing

Damn near depressing

I have to admit it’s damn near depressing seeing all this Happy Father’s Day stuff going on… I haven’t talked to my dad since my aunt died last year.

Care to know why? -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Don’t know what’s wrong

Don’t know what’s wrong

All of a sudden I start feeling weird and I don’t know why. I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of my friends parents who are no longer living, or who are very sick.

I have both of my parents, but I only talk to one. My father ruins my life when he’s in it. So I can’t let him in.

I started reliving one instance. My mom was pregnant with my little brother and my I remember him fighting her.

Why am I seeing this again

I was nine. My other brother was 5.

I didn’t know what to do…. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Hell of a year

Hell of a year

It’s been a hell of a year…

So much shit happened it’s hard to keep up. I feel like I was trying to stay on the right track. With the death of my aunt in the first half of the year and the death of my grandfather at the holidays… My emotions were all over the place.

I want to take charge and make this year a year I can really be proud of. I need to write more in this journal, because it always makes me feel better especially since it’s no one knows who I am. I can say wtf I feel.

I know it’s not easy being you (reader), but it’s not easy being me. My mom is a devout Christian who wants all four of her kids to be holy rollers and my father is a pastor of a church. Me… I’m the rebel, who got lost in being who everyone wanted me to be and decided to find my got damn self again.

C.T. Fletcher is a great inspiration to me. His father was similar my father… a pastor and abusive. Now he’s an international hero and mentor to so many being exactly who he is. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter