Straight damn fire! 🔥 (Everything is Love)

Straight damn fire! 🔥 (Everything is Love)

That new Carters Album is fire! Straight damn fire.

It’s inspiring, so inspiring. Two great artist are married, with children and are changing the world with their music. Yep they’re winning! Time to put some music out. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

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I’m both sides of the coin

I’m both sides of the coin

Sometimes I want to draw – Sometimes I want to write – Sometimes I want to sing – Sometimes I want to rap – Sometimes I want to paint graffiti – Sometimes I want to paint on bottles – Sometimes I want to be complex – Sometimes I want to be simple – Sometimes I want to wear stilettos – Sometimes I want to wear Jordan’s – Sometimes I want to put on make up – Sometimes I want to play basketball – Sometimes I want to make bread – Sometimes I want to solve a math problem – Sometimes I feel fat – Sometimes I feel like I look aiight – Sometimes I speak proper – Sometimes I speak slang – Sometimes I want to hide from people – Sometimes I want to chill with my homies – Sometimes I’m compassionate – Sometimes I want to chop people in the damn throat – Sometimes I want to talk – Sometimes I just want to listen – Sometimes I want to help people – Sometimes I want to say “figure it the fuck out like I have to” – Sometimes I want to wear feathers and silver – Sometimes I want to wear diamonds and gold – Sometimes I feel I’m below average – Sometimes I feel like an Alien, so alienate myself is what I do #RealShit -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Twinkle Toes

Twinkle Toes

I love to dance. I’ve been dancing since I was in 5th grade when I saw some girls dancing outside at school. It was play time, and I was the new kid. I never realized this new school was the beginning of a new life. So I went home and practiced. I practiced everyday with my little radio turned down really low so my mom wouldn’t here Power 98 and all their “unholy” music. 

I was loving all these sounds that didn’t sound the same. It wasn’t “church music”. How could all this music be corrupting me? I just feel like I’ve discovered something great. People being free to write what they felt to a melody without organs and a choir director… and it made me want to dance, so I did! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

What do you really want

What do you really want

I haven’t had this issue in a while. I usually have it when I’m stressed. It takes a lot out of me. It makes me weak. It’s scary. I don’t always tell my husband. I don’t want it to keep me from having kids. I don’t want to go to the doctor. I just want it to go away and never return.

This is why I stay away from people and their drama. I don’t handle it well. 

This is why I stay away from him. My father. It makes me crazy. 

This is why I do art, music, dance… it takes my mind away from the crazy shit in my life. 

I don’t want to die. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

The Story Is Mine 

The Story Is Mine 

Everyone has a story. When that person transitions to another life, that story sometimes dies. Sometimes other people tell that story… which is why I’m determined to tell my own story. The most of my thoughts are unknown unless I choose to tell them. My “WHY” for doing what I do is only known if I let it be.

So instead of having someone else tell my story when I die, or while I’m alive, I choose to tell it myself. 

I’ve been watching documentaries lately, and many of them were done after the person moved on. Sometimes I think about the genius thoughts they kept to themselves. The personal struggles that no one knew of. There’s always more. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter 

WHY Won’t I Finish It

WHY Won’t I Finish It

I’ve been thinking about finishing this book waaaayyyy to much lately. It won’t go away. Out of nowhere, I’ll think about something that’s happened with all the details. Feeling those extreme emotions again. It makes me so damn emotional. When I get in my feelings, I function differently. I had to warn my husband that I started writing again so he will know what’s going on with me.

I’ve written some, but I’m scared to feel that vulnerable again. I feel like I have to steer clear of everyone when I start writing so I won’t make anyone uncomfortable, but maybe this time will be different.

I started writing this damn book in 2015, so it’s been 2 years about the amount of time that’s passed since I last spoke to him. There’s so much he doesn’t know about me. He doesn’t even  know who I am. This book would be the only way he would know more of who I really am, rather than the daughter he made up in his head. But that’s not the only reason.

Damnit this book!!!! Shit!!

-RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

One Year Anniversary. I think I’m getting better

One Year Anniversary. I think I’m getting better

I started this blog one year ago to change my life. I never intended for this to be an ongoing thing, it just happened. Probably because I can finally get my point across uninterrupted. 

I despise telling someone something and they keep cutting me off. Shut up! I have something amazing to say lol. 

Now I use WordPress for conversation since I don’t really go out or have a lot of friends to talk to. That’s how the psychos get started right? Hahaha

This blog has been my way out. My way to vent what I really want to say, how I really feel. I don’t care who’s looking because you don’t know who I am… Unless I’ve told you. 

It’s not like I’m important anyway. News reporters aren’t trying to find the secret identity of this chick who writes music/poetry, has a small business, and is an artist who’s telling her life in a very emotional way.  Who cares.

I just like to get out my feelings. After spending my entire life “keeping my mouth shut” I finally have a voice. I don’t have to keep stuff in and have it fester into sickness and hate and suicidal thoughts. I can get this shit out right here on this Blog and I’m very grateful!! 

-RealityOfAPreachersDaughter