Manipulation

Manipulation

  • Don’t be manipulated, manipulation keeps you from your true destiny.
  • Manipulation keeps you intertwined in everyone else’s bullshit.
  • Manipulation drives you away from your purpose and pushes you into depression.
  • Manipulation stresses you the fuck out and breeds anger and rage.
  • Manipulation keeps you away from the people who want you to be successful and have your best interest at heart.
  • Manipulation keeps you from what matters most. YOU! #FuckManipulation. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
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Go in the trash damnit!

Go in the trash damnit!

Like I’m tossing some shit in the trash can and miss, pick it up, miss, pick it up again, miss. SHIT!!! I feel like I’m aiming right but I’m going around, over, or coming short of the goal.  

All I want to do is fucking throw it away.

Throw away all the fuckery that keeps me down, holds me back, makes me sick, breaks me out, makes me depressed, has me overwhelmed and stressed the fuck out. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

What do you really want

What do you really want

I haven’t had this issue in a while. I usually have it when I’m stressed. It takes a lot out of me. It makes me weak. It’s scary. I don’t always tell my husband. I don’t want it to keep me from having kids. I don’t want to go to the doctor. I just want it to go away and never return.

This is why I stay away from people and their drama. I don’t handle it well. 

This is why I stay away from him. My father. It makes me crazy. 

This is why I do art, music, dance… it takes my mind away from the crazy shit in my life. 

I don’t want to die. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

But I cant… this is too much 

But I cant… this is too much 

I don’t want to be outsider, but I can’t help it. There’s only so much a person can take and I’m working within my limits whether anyone likes it or not. 

He’s been calling.

My family has arrived. I’m a little nervous about going around because I know my father has talked about me. Why do I care about what he’s said about me so damn much ?!?!

 My aunt’s not doing well at all. She’s on life support.  Its devistating. It was so unexpected. This would be the closest death I’ve ever experienced. They’re having meetings about pulling the plug. 

The first day we went up to the hospital and met the a couple family members up there. They’re the closest to her. I could tell they were trying to keep it together. She had several major complications while I sat in the waiting room with my cousin, brother and husband. After hours of waiting, I was finally able to see her, and I broke down. I couldn’t hold it. She’s was the closest aunt I’ve had. 

I told her I loved her and that she had a great neice waiting to meet her. Then I broke down again and left. 

That was Wednesday. Today is Friday. 

Yesterday I needed some air and had a friend come be with me for the day. She helped a lot. We went for Starbucks and Duck Donuts. Went to pick up one of my art pieces, went to the park to talk and used some of the workout equipment outside. That was fun. Was going to pick up snacks and made a detour to my favorite plant nursery. There’s something about a garden that can take your energy to a different place if you allow it. Then we got food and went to my house to watch 2 Broke Girls. 

My body is still going nuts and I’ve broken out in hives and my stomach is acting crazy, so I know I have to stay calm… my health is important too. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Was having a good Morning until…

Was having a good Morning until…

He called Got damnit. I don’t have the time, energy or patience to deal with his fuckery. I’ve tried to many times with him and I can’t right now. I don’t want to. He stresses me the fuck out. He’s not a father he’s a leach that sucks you dry from life until you can’t even function. 

I haven’t listened to the voicemail yet. I don’t even know how the fuck he got my damn number. My siblings said they didn’t give it to him.  Who the hell did???? Nobody has my number! 

This is some bullshit. I better write and create some art before I let this consume me today. Look ignorant ass people… don’t give out people’s numbers without their consent got damnit! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter