I’m not ready for RIP

I’m not ready for RIP

I’m not sure I can let my aunt go… I’m feeling like she wanted to be around a little longer. I’m feeling like she didn’t get a fair shot. I’m feeling like people gave up way too damn soon. I’m feeling like we shoulda played one more game of scrabble. I’m feeling like we shoulda went bowling one more time. I’m feeling like we shoulda had one more cookout. I’m feeling like I shoulda braided her hair one more time. 

I really can’t explain how I feel because I’m feeling every emotion. Like the umami of emotions in a negative way. 

I have a lot on my mind, and a lot more I could say, but I’d rather feel the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face than to be with family right now. It’s safer that way. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Hustle more Struggle less

Hustle more Struggle less

I’ve never wanted to see my mom or siblings struggle. My moms still struggling and I know I have the power to change her life. Yes she does too, but honestly, her focus isn’t on changing her life. It’s about “souls”. *sigh. It’s always been about souls. Sometimes I just want to have a mother-daughter talk.

My vision of life is so far past living paycheck to paycheck. Yes my vision and goals my seem outlandish to most, but it’s a good thing you don’t have to work toward it… I do. 

Not many know the struggle of this preacher’s daughter. The shit that I’ve gone through is nothing like you would think it would be. So that’s why I hustle harder and harder. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

I Don’t Want This Life

I Don’t Want This Life

You ever think about how you know your life should be. Everyone seems to be content with their day to day struggle and do nothing about it. Living with no purpose. Just a slave to your own existence. 

It takes a thought. A simple decision can rewrite your story. It can take you to another direction. Your life doesn’t have to be all about drama and bullshit. You should be enjoying everyday because you’re doing what you love. Figure out how and do it. 

The life I’ve experienced has brought me to a place where change is necessary for me. I talk so much shit to myself.                               “What the fuck is wrong with you?” “Why won’t you try?” “What are you afraid of?” 

After asking myself a lot of questions and answering them, I realize I have a lot of issues. LOL. But everyone does!!!! So I need to stop making excuses about why I’m not good enough for this and that and DO THE DAMN SHIT!

My dad and mom were preachers, they still are, but we still didn’t have shit. I refuse to become my parents and keep myself from all the happiness I can have. I don’t want their lives. I have to make the decisions they didn’t make to have the life they didn’t have.   

 –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

The Story Is Mine 

The Story Is Mine 

Everyone has a story. When that person transitions to another life, that story sometimes dies. Sometimes other people tell that story… which is why I’m determined to tell my own story. The most of my thoughts are unknown unless I choose to tell them. My “WHY” for doing what I do is only known if I let it be.

So instead of having someone else tell my story when I die, or while I’m alive, I choose to tell it myself. 

I’ve been watching documentaries lately, and many of them were done after the person moved on. Sometimes I think about the genius thoughts they kept to themselves. The personal struggles that no one knew of. There’s always more. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter