“No” or “Yes”

“No” or “Yes”

You have to love yourself enough to say “No” to everyone else and “Yes” to yourself. I want a damn Bentley Bihhhhh! -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

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The Universe is talking

The Universe is talking

In the past month weeks I’ve heard of several deaths and illnesses from friends and family.   Yesterday 1 and today another. I feel like the universe is telling me something. It’s an overwhelming feeling. I need to write. I need to write NOW. This book needs to be released and “he” needs to read it. 

Found out he got married a couple days ago. After so many woman he’s been engaged to and left, he finally did it. I doubt that he’s a changed man, but maybe she can soften him up to read it or she can read it to him every night as a bedtime story.  -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

It’s getting scary

It’s getting scary

It’s really getting scary these days. I’m looking at a lot people around me experience their parents pass away. Their children are going to grow up without living grandparents. The ones who’s parents haven’t passed, they have illnesses. It’s so sad. 

I’ve felt that the only way I can talk to my father is after he reads my book. I feel really strongly about that. It’s just hard as hell to write it. When I write about my life, I relive EVERY detail. It takes me to a dark place. I feel like I have to stay away from everyone. I don’t want to bring anyone into my black hole. It’s damn near depression. 

BUT…      If something happened to him, and I didn’t finish this book for him to at least attempt to read it… no words…

I have to finish it. With no money and no encouragement. Just the one last hope of my father knowing how I really feel. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN. This is not the first, second, or third time. 

Maybe this time it’ll work out. Maybe this is the woman he’s been waiting for all his life. Maybe he’s finally ready to settle down and be a husband. Not a father, but maybe a husband. 

Ooooorrrrr, since he just became pastor of a church 😐, maybe he needs her to be his slave like my mom was. 

But what’s going through her head? Why is she willing to say yes to this man who has no relationship with his children? I’m sure he’s lied to her too, but the type of person I am, I need background info. I guess she just doesn’t give a fuck, she about to be a “Preacher’s Wife” -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Thinkin about him… 

Thinkin about him… 

Yea I said it. I’ve been thinking about him lately. I wish our relationship would work out, but it takes two. I’ve been through too much shit with him to just let him in. Nah I don’t want to talk to him. Nah I don’t want to write him. I’ll just think about some good times and try not allow them to lead to bad ones… but they normally do. The good times never lasted. It always went from good to bad, sometimes before we left the damn driveway. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

He’s the Eulogist 

He’s the Eulogist 

The funeral starts at eleven. He’s the eulogist. I hope he doesn’t start crying because it probably won’t be real. I feel like he should’ve left this alone. Let someone else do it. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m probably right. 

My dad was close to my aunt I guess, but there were others that were closer. They are family and they weren’t even acknowledged. That makes me mad. He always has to make a scene. He’s selfish and manipulative even now. 

It’s crazy how death can bring people together and push people further apart. I was able to see my grandparents who I cherish, but I realize that my father and I may never have what I always dreamed of. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter