There’s a lot running through my had, so I had to pause on social media. I stopped with my IG’s for a little bit to reroute my attention. My attention was on making sure I stayed relevant and keeping up with the algorithm, which I don’t even know if I do that shit anyway.
I had to PAUSE. I’m relocating and I need to focus on myself and my own needs, so I came back to writing. I guess this is somewhat anonymous, so keeps me from thinking about opinions. YEP. Even after all these years, that’s still some shit I think about. The opinions of others who have nothing to do with my progress.
My moving forward has been mistaken for “running” and it was not. When you try to fix something repeatedly, and you’re miserable, how long do you have to stay in that? The changes I’ve made have all been for the good. But now I want to concentrate on ME and MY SUCCESS!
This is why I’ve had to PAUSE, but writing and letting out these feelings is important, so I started journaling on here again, and my podcast. In the words of Drake “WE GONE SEE” -#RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
With tears rolling down my face I write this. I hate feeling like this. I felt like this for so long and suppressed it all. Now it resurfaces. When things are taking a turn.
Really I stay positive. Im happy that I’m free. But there’s still that part of me that wants love. Love without all the bullshit. Love of someone not just because they think I’m pretty, but someone in love with me.
I want to point blame, I want to just cry it out. But I’m trying to stay positive. This is my last day in Texas, been here for 3 weeks and I’m ready to go, but hesitant. Just not sure how life will play out and that can be hard.
The only thing I can do is claim true love and happiness and greatness and money. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
My time in Texas is coming to an end. I have Monday and Tuesday left. It’s been a good eye opening trip. Been here since Dec. 18th.
I got a chance to get outside of my normal routine to change it up. See my life from a different perspective. I’ve grown in these three weeks. I’ve read and absorbed and rejected unnecessary things. I’m better and stronger than I was when I first got here. I know what I want and I’m gonna get it. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
With so much going through my head, I say less. I try to stay away from people even though I’m right in front of everyone. I hide in plain sight. People can’t know my feelings. Can’t know my thoughts. Can’t see my pain. I’m strong enough to hide it and keep it hidden until I deal with it. Until it’s passed.
It’s always been that way, that’s why the closest people to me have never known anything I’ve experienced. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
When you want something bad enough, you’ll start doing what other people would call “stupid shit”.
I guess I’ll take “stupid shit” over “died with nothing” any day. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Over the past couple months. I’ve completely redirected my energy. I changed my life. For YEARS I’ve focused my attention on everyone else. What do they need? What do they like? What do they want? What do I have to give them?
My thoughts are in a whole other place right now. Not that I don’t want to do for people. But from now on… self first. Without self, how the hell can I help anyone else. If folk don’t understand… 🤷🏽♀️ -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Why the fuck does a parent have to have a conversation with their black son about what to do when/if they are approached by an officer.
I don’t have kids yet, and I can’t imagine having to tell my son to have your hands where an officer can see them at all times. Don’t talk back. Give them what they want. WTF kind of society is this?
Just don’t get how black People are chosen to be shooting practice. This shit has to change! –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I have to admit it’s damn near depressing seeing all this Happy Father’s Day stuff going on… I haven’t talked to my dad since my aunt died last year.
Care to know why? -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I want to have a conversation with my dad… after he reads the book… after I write the book and send it to him.
I hope he can talk and not start hollering and cussing so I don’t have to start hollering and cussing –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
My father’s birthday came and went.
I never forget his birthday… but I never call.
Happy Birthday -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter