“Money on my mind”

“Money on my mind”

I hear these success stories about the struggle before the big break… I guess that’s where I am. Working working working. Experiencing and trying to let go of my fears. 

Fearing success, failure, fame, money, poverty, family… this is why people never get shit. I just couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve been taking chances, putting myself out there. I know one day people will see who I am. Until then, I have to grind hard, then grind harder. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

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Go in the trash damnit!

Go in the trash damnit!

Like I’m tossing some shit in the trash can and miss, pick it up, miss, pick it up again, miss. SHIT!!! I feel like I’m aiming right but I’m going around, over, or coming short of the goal.  

All I want to do is fucking throw it away.

Throw away all the fuckery that keeps me down, holds me back, makes me sick, breaks me out, makes me depressed, has me overwhelmed and stressed the fuck out. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Watching myself go down

Watching myself go down

What I hate the most about writing is the temporary depression paired with I can’t fuckin think straight. Now all I can think about is my past. The fights, the struggles, the religion… growing up too fast. 

I have to use my iPhone because my laptop has gone stupid and I need to write when I think about it. I can’t let this stuff stay in. I can’t let it eat away at me until  I die or he dies. 

Since my father is a reader, at least he use to be, maybe he can digest a book by his daughter better thab listening because he NEVER LISTENED!!!! 

It sucks when you have something to say and you never get heard. That’s one of the reasons I write and draw. You can’t be interrupted. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Bad Attention

Bad Attention

I wanted attention from him, but the kind I got wasn’t what I wanted. I needed him to be my father. To love me like he loved the other little pretty girls. 

I wondered why he didn’t care for me very much. Was it because I didn’t look like him? Was it because I was a girl? Was it because he resented my mother?  Was it because he thought I wasn’t his daughter?

I don’t know, but I could never allow my children to be treated like he treated us. Maybe that’s why I still don’t have any. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Hell or nah?

Hell or nah?

My mom told me if I wasn’t saved I would be left behind. I asked what I was being saved from, and she told me hell. I asked what about all the people who’ve never heard of “Christ”, and she told me everyone has an opportunity to accept Jesus as their savior.

I feel that religion has our minds stuck making people feel like they’re better than others. 

Being left behind when the “Rapture” comes can scare the shit out of any child and adult. The story is, after the rapture there will be a time of peace, then chaos. People will have the opportunity to take the “mark of the beast” which will help them with food and money. If you don’t get it, you can be tortured and beheaded… there’s more to the story, but I’ll stop there. 

If people tell you this, you can scare people into controlling them, right? – ROAPD

I have to finish this book!!!!

I have to finish this book!!!!

Everyone has had a broken heart, I guess. It’s just worse when it’s the person you call father. The news I’ve been hearing lately about him has me very concerned (more like driving me nuts). I’ve tried time after time year after year, and he just makes . It’s like he just doesn’t care about his life anymore. There is nothing I could say to him because he would never listen anyway. So maybe, JUST MAYBE, when I finish this book, he will still have time to bounce back and turn his life completely around. Maybe I can save the father who could care less about me. #Prayforme

-Preacher’s Daughter