You know what had me scared?

You know what had me scared?

You know what had me scared shitless to try anything? It was Christianity. Maaaaan, it had me feeling like I could never do shit! 

I heard stuff like, “Don’t go into business with unbelievers”, “You’re a Christian”, “You need to go to church to be under a covering” ( wtf does that even mean!!!???), “You need to pray in tongues more”, “You need to stop writing your book, you just need to forgive and be healed of the past”, “The Lord told me you were pregnant, so I made you this blanket”, “The Lord doesn’t want you to step out without him, you will walk right from under his covering”…. etc etc… that’s what my life was, and it’s been hard to get rid of all this shit that was put in my head. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

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He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN

He’s engagaed… AGAIN. This is not the first, second, or third time. 

Maybe this time it’ll work out. Maybe this is the woman he’s been waiting for all his life. Maybe he’s finally ready to settle down and be a husband. Not a father, but maybe a husband. 

Ooooorrrrr, since he just became pastor of a church 😐, maybe he needs her to be his slave like my mom was. 

But what’s going through her head? Why is she willing to say yes to this man who has no relationship with his children? I’m sure he’s lied to her too, but the type of person I am, I need background info. I guess she just doesn’t give a fuck, she about to be a “Preacher’s Wife” -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Christian? Saved?

Christian? Saved?

Yep my fathers a pastor of a church. Yep my mom is a preacher/minister. Yep I was raised in a strict household. Nope I absolutely do not believe in the same things I did when I was growing up. 

Life is so much more than Christianity and whether a person is “saved” or not. I’ve heard people put so much emphasis on being a “Holy Ghost filled, tongue talkin Christian” like that’s the only type of person they can associate with. This is stupid. 

After everything I’ve experienced with Christianity, I no longer call myself that. I believe in God and I respect religion, but I will never be religious again. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Old Baptist Church

Old Baptist Church

When I was a little girl, I remember going to an old baptist church. I’m sure it’s still there. I can still hear the songs, I can feel the rumble from stomping feet, I can smell the scent of the old pews, I can see the large narrow stain glass windows and pulpit where my dad sometimes stood. I can taste the communion crackers and the strong wine that left a burning sensation in my chest at 4 years old. I knew when the church ladies were cooking downstairs because you could smell the fried chicken coming through the basement up the stairs into the sanctuary. 

I don’t remember whether I was excited for the food or not because my mom cooked just like that at home and everyone loved my mom’s cooking.

 I just remember when there was no food being cooked downstairs and my father would have me and my mom waiting. My little brother didn’t count. He was too little. We seemed to always be one of the last people leaving, but the Reverend didn’t care. 

Silence is not golden

Silence is not golden

Yep you’ve heard that silence is golden. No it’s not. Too many times I’ve seen people keep their mouth shut and what happened. Not a Damn Thing. So why the hell do we talk about silence is golden. 

I could keep my mouth shut about my life and deal with it internally and regret not expressing my feelings earlier. Some of us handle things differently than others. Accept it. 

It’s been 2 years since I started this blog and have yet to finish the book because of the potential consequences. But everything has consequences. You just need to figure out which consequences you want to deal with.       -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Watching myself go down

Watching myself go down

What I hate the most about writing is the temporary depression paired with I can’t fuckin think straight. Now all I can think about is my past. The fights, the struggles, the religion… growing up too fast. 

I have to use my iPhone because my laptop has gone stupid and I need to write when I think about it. I can’t let this stuff stay in. I can’t let it eat away at me until  I die or he dies. 

Since my father is a reader, at least he use to be, maybe he can digest a book by his daughter better thab listening because he NEVER LISTENED!!!! 

It sucks when you have something to say and you never get heard. That’s one of the reasons I write and draw. You can’t be interrupted. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter