Watching myself go down

Watching myself go down

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What I hate the most about writing is the temporary depression paired with I can’t fuckin think straight. Now all I can think about is my past. The fights, the struggles, the religion… growing up too fast. 

I have to use my iPhone because my laptop has gone stupid and I need to write when I think about it. I can’t let this stuff stay in. I can’t let it eat away at me until  I die or he dies. 

Since my father is a reader, at least he use to be, maybe he can digest a book by his daughter better thab listening because he NEVER LISTENED!!!! 

It sucks when you have something to say and you never get heard. That’s one of the reasons I write and draw. You can’t be interrupted. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Bad Attention

Bad Attention

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I wanted attention from him, but the kind I got wasn’t what I wanted. I needed him to be my father. To love me like he loved the other little pretty girls. 

I wondered why he didn’t care for me very much. Was it because I didn’t look like him? Was it because I was a girl? Was it because he resented my mother?  Was it because he thought I wasn’t his daughter?

I don’t know, but I could never allow my children to be treated like he treated us. Maybe that’s why I still don’t have any. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

WHY Won’t I Finish It

WHY Won’t I Finish It

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I’ve been thinking about finishing this book waaaayyyy to much lately. It won’t go away. Out of nowhere, I’ll think about something that’s happened with all the details. Feeling those extreme emotions again. It makes me so damn emotional. When I get in my feelings, I function differently. I had to warn my husband that I started writing again so he will know what’s going on with me.

I’ve written some, but I’m scared to feel that vulnerable again. I feel like I have to steer clear of everyone when I start writing so I won’t make anyone uncomfortable, but maybe this time will be different.

I started writing this damn book in 2015, so it’s been 2 years about the amount of time that’s passed since I last spoke to him. There’s so much he doesn’t know about me. He doesn’t even  know who I am. This book would be the only way he would know more of who I really am, rather than the daughter he made up in his head. But that’s not the only reason.

Damnit this book!!!! Shit!!

-RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Dumb Ass Decisions

Dumb Ass Decisions

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I use to think I needed a psychiatrist to figure out why everyone around me made such dumb ass decisions. I didn’t understand everyone’s thinking and it had me almost going nuts. 

I backed off and realized that everyone’s shit wasn’t my shit. I needed to mind my own got damn business! Why? Because even though I really wanted the best for my family, I wasn’t giving my best to myself. I literally did everything for them. I was the savior of the family and everybody knew it. 

I’m so glad I sat my ass down and reevaluated the situation. Now I’m on the Road To Recovery lol

Lesson- Everyone makes their own mistakes and has to figure their own shit out.                     –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

B.O.N. ?

B.O.N. ?

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Sometimes it’s hard as shit to write, but I know it’s what I have to do. Not only for myself, but for other people who are stuck in a life they despise. It’s hard to face the truth about yourself and share it with the world, or in my case, the couple people who follow my ass. 

Over all, In the past 8 years, I let myself go. I completely lost who I was and became who I felt others would be comfortable with. I’d rather be that neutral, “she’s nice” girl than the one that’s most loved/most hated. 

But even being the “nice and neutral” girl, people still don’t like my ass and I’m miserable. There’s other people out there too hiding so they can fit in too. 

When I was a kid, I didn’t fit in and didn’t give a damn. Something happened in my life that changed everything. Made me become a hermit and boring. What was it?  -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Hell or nah?

Hell or nah?

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My mom told me if I wasn’t saved I would be left behind. I asked what I was being saved from, and she told me hell. I asked what about all the people who’ve never heard of “Christ”, and she told me everyone has an opportunity to accept Jesus as their savior.

I feel that religion has our minds stuck making people feel like they’re better than others. 

Being left behind when the “Rapture” comes can scare the shit out of any child and adult. The story is, after the rapture there will be a time of peace, then chaos. People will have the opportunity to take the “mark of the beast” which will help them with food and money. If you don’t get it, you can be tortured and beheaded… there’s more to the story, but I’ll stop there. 

If people tell you this, you can scare people into controlling them, right? – ROAPD

Face the shit

Face the shit

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I’ve avoided writing about my life because the shits still hurts really bad and sometimes I’d rather not deal with all the strong emotions. Opinions like to fly around to discourage the book, but it is what it is. There comes a time where you have to step the fuck up no matter what happens and face your truth. No matter how dirty it is. 

And everyone’s expression is different, so judge me if you want to. -ROAPD

How to #WIN at #life

How to #WIN at #life

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Do you want to know the secret at winning at life?

I don’t think there is a damn secret other than doing your best and stop being afraid to do what you need to do to be successful. 

I’ve listened to hours of speakers who motivate, encourage, inspire, give valuable tips… but

WORDS DONT MEAN SHIT WITHOUT ACTION!

-ROAPD (Reality Of A Preachers Daughter)

Done done and Done (On with 2017)

Done done and Done (On with 2017)

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It’s interesting how people want you to listen to their problems, engage in the conversation with them, give your opinion just so they can justify what they want to do anyway, then come right back to you to complain about the results of their actions.

The moral of this story is… I’m no longer engaging in conversation that makes me waste my time, energy and resources to give advice for you to do the opposite. Apparently you love where you’re at, otherwise you would make the necessary changes. -ROAPD

Happy New Year!