Tag: struggle

It’s getting scary

It’s getting scary

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It’s really getting scary these days. I’m looking at a lot people around me experience their parents pass away. Their children are going to grow up without living grandparents. The ones who’s parents haven’t passed, they have illnesses. It’s so sad. 

I’ve felt that the only way I can talk to my father is after he reads my book. I feel really strongly about that. It’s just hard as hell to write it. When I write about my life, I relive EVERY detail. It takes me to a dark place. I feel like I have to stay away from everyone. I don’t want to bring anyone into my black hole. It’s damn near depression. 

BUT…      If something happened to him, and I didn’t finish this book for him to at least attempt to read it… no words…

I have to finish it. With no money and no encouragement. Just the one last hope of my father knowing how I really feel. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

I’m not ready for RIP

I’m not ready for RIP

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I’m not sure I can let my aunt go… I’m feeling like she wanted to be around a little longer. I’m feeling like she didn’t get a fair shot. I’m feeling like people gave up way too damn soon. I’m feeling like we shoulda played one more game of scrabble. I’m feeling like we shoulda went bowling one more time. I’m feeling like we shoulda had one more cookout. I’m feeling like I shoulda braided her hair one more time. 

I really can’t explain how I feel because I’m feeling every emotion. Like the umami of emotions in a negative way. 

I have a lot on my mind, and a lot more I could say, but I’d rather feel the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face than to be with family right now. It’s safer that way. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Hustle more Struggle less

Hustle more Struggle less

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I’ve never wanted to see my mom or siblings struggle. My moms still struggling and I know I have the power to change her life. Yes she does too, but honestly, her focus isn’t on changing her life. It’s about “souls”. *sigh. It’s always been about souls. Sometimes I just want to have a mother-daughter talk.

My vision of life is so far past living paycheck to paycheck. Yes my vision and goals my seem outlandish to most, but it’s a good thing you don’t have to work toward it… I do. 

Not many know the struggle of this preacher’s daughter. The shit that I’ve gone through is nothing like you would think it would be. So that’s why I hustle harder and harder. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

I Don’t Want This Life

I Don’t Want This Life

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You ever think about how you know your life should be. Everyone seems to be content with their day to day struggle and do nothing about it. Living with no purpose. Just a slave to your own existence. 

It takes a thought. A simple decision can rewrite your story. It can take you to another direction. Your life doesn’t have to be all about drama and bullshit. You should be enjoying everyday because you’re doing what you love. Figure out how and do it. 

The life I’ve experienced has brought me to a place where change is necessary for me. I talk so much shit to myself.                               “What the fuck is wrong with you?” “Why won’t you try?” “What are you afraid of?” 

After asking myself a lot of questions and answering them, I realize I have a lot of issues. LOL. But everyone does!!!! So I need to stop making excuses about why I’m not good enough for this and that and DO THE DAMN SHIT!

My dad and mom were preachers, they still are, but we still didn’t have shit. I refuse to become my parents and keep myself from all the happiness I can have. I don’t want their lives. I have to make the decisions they didn’t make to have the life they didn’t have.   

 –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Face the shit

Face the shit

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I’ve avoided writing about my life because the shits still hurts really bad and sometimes I’d rather not deal with all the strong emotions. Opinions like to fly around to discourage the book, but it is what it is. There comes a time where you have to step the fuck up no matter what happens and face your truth. No matter how dirty it is. 

And everyone’s expression is different, so judge me if you want to. -ROAPD

What’s in your hands

What’s in your hands

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Sometimes, no 98% of the time I have to encourage and motivate myself. This time is no different. When you have bills due and you’re wondering where the money is coming from and you’re doing everything possible…. think “What’s in my hands”. 

What do you have to offer the world. If you haven’t been thinking about it, you probably won’t realize it, but everything you need for the moment you’re living in is within your reach…

Sometimes you just have to look harder

I still have issues

I still have issues

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I just watched Tony Robbins Nextflix special and realized one of my problems. I’ve never been acknowledged for anything by my family and it gets kinda old fast. 

It started a long time ago and it hasn’t stopped. I’ve looked for recognition from people all around me and it hasn’t been that easy to get. I can’t believe I’m still having issues. 

I think about all I’ve done for people and family and it just hurts for no one to care. They expect it because I’m the older sister, oldest child, the responsible one, the one that will help, the strong one, the one who will figure it out, the one that tries to keep the peace… The pushover. That shit sucks.  But I realized something today. I have to be the best me for me, and in that, I’ll be able to help others. Help isn’t always handouts and pep talks. Sometimes it’s doing and saying nothing at all… RealityOfAPreachersDaughter