She’s there… the improved old me

She’s there… the improved old me

When I look, I can see her. She’s there. I can see through myself to the person who I use to know. The person I was proud of. The person other people wanted to know. If I look hard enough I can see her. But if I don’t look hard, I see who she’s become. The complacent, overweight, scared and scarred girl who’s having problems becoming a woman is what’s outside. It’s troubling. Hopefully temporary. I can’t stay like this forever. I crave success. I can see it, feel it, taste it, hear it, smell it. What the fuck am I missing to get it. I need to get who I was back, but better. –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

“Beat my ass for the cause of Christ”

“Beat my ass for the cause of Christ”

“Beat my ass for the cause of Christ”- that’s what it seems like you’re saying…

I guess it’s ok for you to stay with a man that beats the hell out of you and your kids because it’s for the “cause of Christ”. That’s what “Jesus” would want you to do right? Jesus doesn’t believe in divorce, so let him beat you and your kids ass until they get grown and resent you for staying. “Why you let us go though this?” Let him beat your ass until he kills one or all of you. Protect him because he’s “the man of God”. This man was called of God, so you can’t say anything against him.

This is all bullshit! Leave his ass immediately -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Go in the trash damnit!

Go in the trash damnit!

Like I’m tossing some shit in the trash can and miss, pick it up, miss, pick it up again, miss. SHIT!!! I feel like I’m aiming right but I’m going around, over, or coming short of the goal.  

All I want to do is fucking throw it away.

Throw away all the fuckery that keeps me down, holds me back, makes me sick, breaks me out, makes me depressed, has me overwhelmed and stressed the fuck out. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

Dear Life

Dear Life

Dear Life,I thought you’d be more kind, more loving, more giving. I’ve given my health, my money, my energy, my smiles, my comfort, my time, my creativity. I’ve tried to give you the best part of me, but that got me here, at a crossroad. 

 I think I’ve been here before. Maybe I’ve been here for years and never left. Maybe when I got here I set up camp and chose to stay. Afraid of choosing the left or right. The red or blue. Both so extreme. Both so different. Both me. One safe and predictable. The other risky and unforeseeable, but intriguing. 

I’ve already chosen. I chose my destiny a long time ago. Even when my parents drilled their ideals, I’ve always had my own. 

So Life, now that you’ve awakened the dragon inside and I realized the shit I’m go through is just part of the ride, let’s do this shit. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter