Have you ever been in love with yourself?
I think I was once. It had taken me a long time to get there, and I was there. I was thriving in my own love. I was patient with myself. I was kind to myself. I spoiled myself. Then…
After ___ year’s, I think I’m falling for myself again. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
I’ve got folk on my case about going to church. My thoughts are exactly what they are and they’re not changing any time soon. I use to be that “churchy” girl. That lasted 5 seconds because I realized it wasn’t me.
I just live. I feel like too many people put too much emphasis on the wrong things… like church. I was raised in the church and I’m not interested. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
He called and left a 4 minute message on my voicemail today… it just made me mad.
He loves me
He hates me
I forgive him
I miss him
He fucks up my life again
I can’t do it again -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
Yes there are pros and cons with religion, but right now I’m feeling a lot more “cons”.
Faith, believe, patience, long suffering, missions and on and on is what my mom feels like she has to endure. Why can’t she feel like she can have happiness? Wtf is she waiting for????
I told her a few years back that she can move with me. Why is she so busy worried about what EVERYONE else thinks?
1. It’s nobody’s business what I do in my house.
2. She’s done enough labor and her children want to take care of her.
I don’t understand what she’s thinking. She told me she thought she was going to get a professor job with the school she’s working with. To be honest… I don’t think so. If she was, she would’ve gotten it a long time ago when she first got there because of her “religious credentials”.
Right now she’s with my sister, and my sis no longer wants to be there. My Mom Does not need to be there by herself!!! –RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
My strategy is simple
I use to make my life more complicated than it already was. I’d worry about the outcome of every decision, and my response to that outcome… which would end in a clusterfuck of thoughts leading to daily stomach aches. It was something I had to do as a young girl because I felt like nobody else was worried about their dumb ass choices.
Now… my strategy is simply execute. I swear this shit isn’t easy, especially after years of torturing myself with trying to figure out the end results. But if I execute, then execute again and again, I won’t have time to worry about everything or everyone’s opinions.
via Daily Prompt: Strategy
Sometimes I want to draw – Sometimes I want to write – Sometimes I want to sing – Sometimes I want to rap – Sometimes I want to paint graffiti – Sometimes I want to paint on bottles – Sometimes I want to be complex – Sometimes I want to be simple – Sometimes I want to wear stilettos – Sometimes I want to wear Jordan’s – Sometimes I want to put on make up – Sometimes I want to play basketball – Sometimes I want to make bread – Sometimes I want to solve a math problem – Sometimes I feel fat – Sometimes I feel like I look aiight – Sometimes I speak proper – Sometimes I speak slang – Sometimes I want to hide from people – Sometimes I want to chill with my homies – Sometimes I’m compassionate – Sometimes I want to chop people in the damn throat – Sometimes I want to talk – Sometimes I just want to listen – Sometimes I want to help people – Sometimes I want to say “figure it the fuck out like I have to” – Sometimes I want to wear feathers and silver – Sometimes I want to wear diamonds and gold – Sometimes I feel I’m below average – Sometimes I feel like an Alien, so alienate myself is what I do #RealShit -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter
It’s been a hell of a year…
So much shit happened it’s hard to keep up. I feel like I was trying to stay on the right track. With the death of my aunt in the first half of the year and the death of my grandfather at the holidays… My emotions were all over the place.
I want to take charge and make this year a year I can really be proud of. I need to write more in this journal, because it always makes me feel better especially since it’s no one knows who I am. I can say wtf I feel.
I know it’s not easy being you (reader), but it’s not easy being me. My mom is a devout Christian who wants all four of her kids to be holy rollers and my father is a pastor of a church. Me… I’m the rebel, who got lost in being who everyone wanted me to be and decided to find my got damn self again.
C.T. Fletcher is a great inspiration to me. His father was similar my father… a pastor and abusive. Now he’s an international hero and mentor to so many being exactly who he is. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter