But I cant… this is too much 

But I cant… this is too much 

I don’t want to be outsider, but I can’t help it. There’s only so much a person can take and I’m working within my limits whether anyone likes it or not. 

He’s been calling.

My family has arrived. I’m a little nervous about going around because I know my father has talked about me. Why do I care about what he’s said about me so damn much ?!?!

 My aunt’s not doing well at all. She’s on life support.  Its devistating. It was so unexpected. This would be the closest death I’ve ever experienced. They’re having meetings about pulling the plug. 

The first day we went up to the hospital and met the a couple family members up there. They’re the closest to her. I could tell they were trying to keep it together. She had several major complications while I sat in the waiting room with my cousin, brother and husband. After hours of waiting, I was finally able to see her, and I broke down. I couldn’t hold it. She’s was the closest aunt I’ve had. 

I told her I loved her and that she had a great neice waiting to meet her. Then I broke down again and left. 

That was Wednesday. Today is Friday. 

Yesterday I needed some air and had a friend come be with me for the day. She helped a lot. We went for Starbucks and Duck Donuts. Went to pick up one of my art pieces, went to the park to talk and used some of the workout equipment outside. That was fun. Was going to pick up snacks and made a detour to my favorite plant nursery. There’s something about a garden that can take your energy to a different place if you allow it. Then we got food and went to my house to watch 2 Broke Girls. 

My body is still going nuts and I’ve broken out in hives and my stomach is acting crazy, so I know I have to stay calm… my health is important too. -RealityOfAPreachersDaughter

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