Am I alive?

Am I alive?

Ever felt that life is just a dream. Like life is just a puff of smoke dispersed in the air that millions of people inhale exhale. 

That dreams should be reality and reality should be dreams. I wish I could draw my life. I’m very good at being creative, but having a hard time creating a life beyond where I exist. It’s like I can’t move. As much as I work. Da hell am I doing wrong?

I’m back at being overly stressed and trying to keep it from going overboard. I already had to go to get checked a couple times in my life. Is rather not die without being and giving life everything. No one’s drama is worth my life. I can change the world with what I have to offer. I know it! 

But life can be a bitch. Life doesn’t want success for me, so I feel I have to push extra hard. Why do I have to try so damn hard to get from taking 10 steps backwards? Instead it’s 4 steps backwards with every push.

Why is my life a movie that has more downs than ups? I don’t know. I can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I see people’s success all the time, but I’m missing something. Not sure what it is, but I will NOT give up because that’s not in my blood. I’m a soldier! And I will soon get my recognition. Not with out more blood, sweat and tears I’m sure. 

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